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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

"
CAN MY HEART TAKE IT?
(The Name that Launched a Thousand Letters)
It’s been seven years. In the beginning, it was beautiful. When I look back I realize that it was almost magical. It felt good to have a friend like “you”. I was so proud of me. I was able to be platonic no strings attached friends with a guy. The whole school including my closest female friends thought we were dating. They must have seen something we didn’t see.
First year was such a mess for me everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. My glasses broke every week, had malaria every other weekend, misplaced things, issues with my friends, endless incidents. When I look back at that year I wonder how I survived it. But you were there steady as a rock, always there. Most nights you’d walk me to my room you didn’t have much to say but you always listened to me go on and on and on about whatever was bothering me at the time and sometimes God knows what. And when i was ill you’d come sit with me all day just to keep me company.
Now seven years down the line a lot of water has passed under the bridge. A lot of things have happened. We've hurt each other in ways that we couldn't possibly have imagined we could.The funny part is that You remember my hurting you but you don't seem to remember hurting me.
So now again we're back to talking (at least that's what it seems like to me) and you send me text saying that you miss me. I breathe thanks 'cos it leaves me feeling warm. But deep down inside my stomach is all tied up in knots. I wonder if it's real this time or if it's all a game or worse pity.
Whatever it is though, i just wonder if my heart can take it.
Now i know you're probably wondering who the above post is about. Its about someone special to me. I'll call him the name that launched a thousand letters. They say of Helen of troy (formerly of Sparta) as the face that launched a thousand ships ‘cos her beauty really did launch a thousand ships. I call him the name that launched a thousand letters ‘cos I must have written a thousand letters to him and about him. Some he got and some he didn't.
My sms.ac id is actually a reflection of how I feel about him. When I opened an account, he left a comment on my page. Reading it made my heart smile and it also made me sad at the same time. Sad because in a sense I felt like I had blown something that had the potential of being wonderful. However, I didn’t know this at the time and I also had my issues, a lot of things I had to deal with. I’m a very independent person so it’s really hard for me to allow people help me deal with my issues I always believe that I can do it on my own until it’s almost too late for any one to help me out.
Although I wasn’t the perfect "girl", at the time, deep down I wasn't so bad. I just needed to find me, and grow up. Sometimes when I look back at the last four years (my storm lasted four years) I wish things were different and wish I had done things differently but then I realize that the wealth of experience that I have garnered, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I just wish I could get one more chance with him, one final Dance with him. I'd play a song that would never ever end. How, I’d love love love to dance with "the name" again. Ohhhhhhh i'd really love that. But even if i didn't I’d still like to hug him, dance with him, kiss him in the rain,...............................
so at least I’ll have those memories to hold in my heart and to keep me in the cold days ahead

I just needed to blog about this stuff so that maybe i could get it off my chest.I hope I haven't bored you to tears.
"
CAN MY HEART TAKE IT?
(The Name that Launched a Thousand Letters)
It’s been seven years. In the beginning, it was beautiful. When I look back I realize that it was almost magical. It felt good to have a friend like “you”. I was so proud of me. I was able to be platonic no strings attached friends with a guy. The whole school including my closest female friends thought we were dating. They must have seen something we didn’t see.
First year was such a mess for me everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. My glasses broke every week, had malaria every other weekend, misplaced things, issues with my friends, endless incidents. When I look back at that year I wonder how I survived it. But you were there steady as a rock, always there. Most nights you’d walk me to my room you didn’t have much to say but you always listened to me go on and on and on about whatever was bothering me at the time and sometimes God knows what. And when i was ill you’d come sit with me all day just to keep me company.
Now seven years down the line a lot of water has passed under the bridge. A lot of things have happened. We've hurt each other in ways that we couldn't possibly have imagined we could.The funny part is that You remember my hurting you but you don't seem to remember hurting me.
So now again we're back to talking (at least that's what it seems like to me) and you send me text saying that you miss me. I breathe thanks 'cos it leaves me feeling warm. But deep down inside my stomach is all tied up in knots. I wonder if it's real this time or if it's all a game or worse pity.
Whatever it is though, i just wonder if my heart can take it.
Now i know you're probably wondering who the above post is about. Its about someone special to me. I'll call him the name that launched a thousand letters. They say of Helen of troy (formerly of Sparta) as the face that launched a thousand ships ‘cos her beauty really did launch a thousand ships. I call him the name that launched a thousand letters ‘cos I must have written a thousand letters to him and about him. Some he got and some he didn't.
My sms.ac id is actually a reflection of how I feel about him. When I opened an account, he left a comment on my page. Reading it made my heart smile and it also made me sad at the same time. Sad because in a sense I felt like I had blown something that had the potential of being wonderful. However, I didn’t know this at the time and I also had my issues, a lot of things I had to deal with. I’m a very independent person so it’s really hard for me to allow people help me deal with my issues I always believe that I can do it on my own until it’s almost too late for any one to help me out.
Although I wasn’t the perfect "girl", at the time, deep down I wasn't so bad. I just needed to find me, and grow up. Sometimes when I look back at the last four years (my storm lasted four years) I wish things were different and wish I had done things differently but then I realize that the wealth of experience that I have garnered, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I just wish I could get one more chance with him, one final Dance with him. I'd play a song that would never ever end. How, I’d love love love to dance with "the name" again. Ohhhhhhh i'd really love that. But even if i didn't I’d still like to hug him, dance with him, kiss him in the rain,...............................
so at least I’ll have those memories to hold in my heart and to keep me in the cold days ahead

I just needed to blog about this stuff so that maybe i could get it off my chest.I hope I haven't bored you to tears.

14 comments:

Olawunmi said... Best Blogger Tips

that was certainly heartfelt. i hope it turns out well

TRAE said... Best Blogger Tips

sems you really dig the guy...but i ain't too sure about what he feels for you. is he presently single?...platonic friendships...uhm, i don't really know about that. but if the chance is still there you just might want to take the frienship to the next level. anyways goodluck with whatever you decide to do.

Adunni said... Best Blogger Tips

Thanks peeps. I cetainly hope so myself.

2undeh said... Best Blogger Tips

Bored us ke? Not at all. that was deep. You r love for this guy must surely be strong. Who knows, fate may have a way of bringing you two close together again.

Onada said... Best Blogger Tips

no boredom here! i think are in in love! every girl has to experience some sort of storms! I hope things work out ":) getting it off your chest always helps

Kunle.... said... Best Blogger Tips

I hope things turn out well for you. It helps talking to GOd about this things.

Belle said... Best Blogger Tips

That was definitely not boring! It actually made me feel sad b/c i know the feeling of lost love. God willing though, things will work out with him.
Keep us posted!

Belle said... Best Blogger Tips

Oh, and by the way..
I LOVE your name, Adunniola!! My Dads name is Owodunni, and I've been wondering if there was a female version that I could name a daughter. Hope you dont mind if i make use of it in the future :)

Adunni said... Best Blogger Tips

@BELLE thanks i love the name myself although its not my every day name its more like my oriki. sometimes i wish my folks had insisted on calling me adunniola. it is indeed a lovely name.
@ everyonelse thanks for the comments. i really hope things work out between us 'cos i'm sure this time i'll probably shatter into a million pieces if it doesn't.
Thank you

TaureanMinx said... Best Blogger Tips

Goodluck. Love your blog!

Nneka's World said... Best Blogger Tips

I was not bored.
That was so deep and heartfelt.

I hope it works out for you in the end

Morountodun said... Best Blogger Tips

This don't sound like nothing platonic to me you know. I hope you guys can sort out your differences

Life through rose-tinted glasses said... Best Blogger Tips

nah you didnt bore me to tears infact u didnt bore me at all lol i thot it was really sweet and i sure have felt this way before so girl its good to let it all out and i hope u do feel better for it babe. lurve ur blog. take care

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Love the life you live, live the life you love.

Miss u.