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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I'm about to switch to the new version of blogger i Hope i wont regret it o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

So long
Its been so long. At first I didn’t have much to talk about, and then I had stuff to say but no way to put it up. So much has happened and ive missed this space. Work is fine but right now I have a love hate relationship with it. I hate the long procedures and mountain of paper work I have to sort out almost everyday but the meeting people, applying what I know to sort out situations ….. I like.
I also hate my boss. I think im in a mindy situation only that this time mindy is a man.
In all life’s been good. Boring but good in cant complain. I’m still in the market for a job ‘cos I really don’t want to stay here long..

When people talk about closure, I wonder what they mean. Does it mean that one gets to a point where you just stop thinking about whatever it is you need closure on or do you get to a point where you consciously decide that no matter what you will not think about this issue or be sad about it even if it kills u. I really wonder which it is.
If only to stop these sudden bursts of depression and sudden rush of emotion then I’d really like to know.

Of Clay feet and Tin gods

Emm I don’t quite know how to say this but i guess theres no other way.
Its over. Yep. It didn’t last very long . Sometimes I think that it never really happened. I feel like ive been holding on to a mirage and when I finally look down at my hands I find that there’s nothing but air. Like it was never real. Funny though I feel strangely calm.
At first I was so ashamed. Whenever I fail I feel such a great sense of shame and with each failure ive had the sense of shame increases in magnitude each time. It makes me want to run and hide under a chair (childish.. I know). At those times I walk with my head down ‘cos im trying to hide my face so no one would see the shame written there.
After a while I gave myself a good talking to. This really wasn’t about me so why feel shame? After that I felt a lot better but I still feel very very very sad. I feel sad but I don’t feel so ashamed anymore.
I feel disappointed though. Very disappointed. Not in what has happened but in someone I thought the best of.

I tend to think the best of people until proven otherwise but in this case its like having reality slammed in my face.
I feel so silly. I thought that he was different, that I knew this person, that it was about me, that he would not do something like that , that he was special, that ................................................
I guess I finally found out that my tin god has feet of clay.

Ive been fine really but some days are better than some. Ive had good days and bad days and today I don’t even know whats wrong with me.
Im sad.