It's A NEW DAY

Today is a new day.

Just tried a new template. I kind of like it. I hope i can change the colors and customize it.

Looking for a new template. I don't like this yellow one. its just bland like that. off to look for lovely free ones. emphasis on free.

I ANT TO COME BACK

i want to come back here but i don't know how. I've lost my way and am now in a maze of my own making. Wish i could find my way back. I really miss here. Here is where i put down my deepest thoughts shared my deepest feelings. Here is where i felt so good looking back at my own mastery of the written word. Perhaps its the looking back thats kept my pen still. perhaps i should wipe the slate clean and begin again perhaps i should start afresh a new page without the mistakes and triumphs of the past or perhaps i should stay and commit.... i dunno. Every time i try to start again some how i get sidetracked hmmmm... words so much in my head swirling round and round so close i can almost touch them words so many words I've kept them inside so long and now all i want to do is let them out ...lord how i've missed you ... i really really have... i hope that now that i've come back , that i can stay course coming here keeps me sane ........

Not quite Random

Its 20 10 2010 and i'm back here writing again. Some people are making a fuss about the date but i don't quite get it. Maybe there something in it i cant seem to see . Anyway its just another day just another day.. i went church yesterday. One of the pastors preached on Psalm 23 verse 2 "He made me to lie down in green pastures" He talked about relationships and who can make us do things and why we would do it because of the relationship we had. He talked about a relationship with God and asked us how we obey God about how God makes us to do things. and the general consensus was that we sometimes obey God out of fear, out of a need to claim a blessing and sometimes because of the relationship we have with God, and in some cases God sometimes has to force us to do things through reprimands. I was really feeling what he was saying and my mind kept saying "all God wants is that u trust him by laying down" he also talked about the green pastures and how sometimes we just need to trust God about it... we need to get to that point were we can trust that when God makes us to lie down, that it will be in green pastures.. it was really thought provoking and i kind of enjoyed the service it made me think and gave me a deeper meaning of the psalm and that verse. The only spoiler for me was this "sister" who said she didn't think that that was what the verse meant and basically just said that the verse was about something else entirely .. i think she somehow managed to throw the whole teaching off course the other spoiler was the pastor who somehow managed to water down the whole thing. In my opinion we go to bible study to learn deeper about God's word. If we wanted to be babied, we wouldn't have bothered to come for bible study. The truth I've leaned after years as a Christian is that God's way are not our ways and that we have to have absolute faith in God 'cos somethings are going to happen but as a child of God you have to trust that God is working everything out for good. The most important point is to lie down trusting that since it as God who said so then it has to be in green pastures even tough our human eye cannot see anything. I think that the psalmist was sharing about how he had come to point were he has realised that when God makes him to lie down, it is always in green pastures and that when God leads him, it is always besides still waters and God restores his soul ... thats just my understanding of it.

btw i'm currently watching the little rascals and laughing my head off... am i alright?

ATTENTION TO DETAIL

So this morning i took a memo up to my boss and he crosses it out with a big X, my mistake? well i forgot to edit the title. See i Use a template for my memos so basiclly i just edit all the needed fields print out and then Save As with the new title name to keep proper records. So instead of my memo reading Supplies Purchase, it read Internet connection subscription payment.

Whats funny and weird is that i read the whole memo but somehow i missed the title .....Ok ! Ok!! plus a few other things. I had to re - edit and calm my self down to make sure there were no more mistakes in it and of course this led to more re - edits and reprints. In all I had to reprint about four times. By the time i finally got back to my boss he gave me an ultimatum "The next time i have to correct your memos i won't sign anything from you for a week" i screamed and he went "okay you don't like a week ... lets make it one whole month" (I think the man has been watching too many movies )

During my appraisal, he gave me a (2) for my writing skill and when i asked him why, he told me it was because he was forever correcting my memos............. i was like wait a minute.. i write well very well if i might add and the poorly written memo was from my team member who had and still has the writing skill of an eight year old (i know i was passing the buck but i needed to get that 4) but he reminded me that it was my job to look through every memo to make sure that there were no mistakes he said to me "Adunni you need to improve on your attention to detail" my hand just fell .

He said the same thing again this morning and as i left his office it got me thinking .. why do i not pay attention to detail?.. it was funny how i stared at the memo and still missed the very glaring errors in it. God help me. I really need help. It's very easy for me to walk into a situation and see the big overall picture and i mean really see a picture in my head about the situation but when it comes to those tiny little details it's like my eyes just glaze over them. As long as the big picture is alright then its ok.

All morning I've been racking my brains trying to figure out why i do that... is it because I'm impatient ... (but I'm more patient these days now) .....i can't seem to find the answer....... i read so quickly and absorb stuff so quickly but i miss out the errors ...makes me wonder

Even in my life i look at situations and i can get the big picture and go my merry way but somehow i miss those little, little things that matter in life. I gloss over things and miss those important things in life that money cannot buy. I look at the big picture and forget to enjoy the little things.......... when i look back i feel a kind of sadness that i did not take the time to enjoy some things and now i have no memories of them and i wish i did. I worry so much about issues that i fail to enjoy the moment, the now , the shared laughter with a close friends , the warmth of a hug from some one special, i missed out an all that and it makes me sad. But what gives me hope this morning is that now that i know that, i can change it or at least i can try to change it making sure i make the best of every moment, to explore every emotion I feel and not to be ashamed by my feelings . Like right now i'm writing again and i feel happy, giddy with excitement and weird all at the same time ohhh a lot of emotions .. I know but its all good.

I couldn't think of a title

I will not say its been a while because that would be stating the obvious.Instead i'll say its good to be back. Good to have my mojo back. For a long time life happened and for the most part i just couldn't find the words to put here.

And now i think perhaps life has driven me back here or maybe my need to unburden my thoughts, to share with .................even though it just a dairy. Whatever it is that drove me back, i hope i stay here fight all my demons, find inner peace and do great things.

THE FEMINIZATION OF ME

Femization... too much grammar ..abeg before una break my medula ... i don check am for wikipedia and from all the big big grammar wen full there my understanding of the word is as follows:

Feminization - As a lifestyle desire. Feminization is a person's voluntary transformation from male to female, either physically, behaviorally, or both. This transformation can either be permanent, or temporary.

To my understanding it means becoming more girly. Over the last couple of weeks, i've found myself having this great need to put on a dress. yeah .. i know.. whats all the hype about putting on a dress. The thing is the last time i put on a dress, i was like 10 , 11 so this great desire is certainly news worthy. Even with every girl , their mamas, and their grandmas sporting an ankara dress i never made or wore one. I just didnt see myself wearing one and i had a long list of perfect excuses too.. it wouldn't fit well... ill look frumpy.... blah blah blah all so i wouldnt admit that i just didnt want to wear a dress at that time period.

Now that phase has passed and i find myself looking at dresses in a different light and im thinking to myself ...hmmm i think ill look fly in that..... and that..... and since i dont do half measures i want the whole girly lifestyle. The clothes, the make up, the bright colors, the reds, the pinks ... the whole works.. Now its not like i dont wear make up, i do i just dont do it all the time and i always miss something out, if its not eye shadow , its mascara e.t.c.. This need has been so great that ive had to sit myself down and ask whats with all this girly business? I asked my evil twin who is my resident shrink and she says that the need to be girly is just an expression of the big thing i want which is... yep you guessed right .. change.

I want a new job, wat to meet new pple (i'm seriously bored with all the pple in my life right now).. so many things. I want to make a hairstlye that ive never had before , meet new pple etc in short i want to change my life and i want it right now. anyway sha i digress.
so if u happen to run into or come across a beautiful (yes i say so myself ..sue me), curvy chick in this dress that would be me.......

P.S. Hell has officially frozen over. I AM ON A DIET.

I MISS U

I miss u and i dont know why
a few days pass without me having a single thought of u
yet all of a sudden my face flushes, my heart skips a beat
i remember and i get this ache down in my belly
slowly , it spreads througout my body
i get hot and cold at the same time
i reach for my phone to call you .....
but my memories hit me in the face like a dash of ice...
My hand stills and i can't bring myself to make that call
sometimes i go over myself and i send an sms
most times i say nothing, just hi
but even when the coldness and the hurt of my memories still my hand
still i miss u and i wonder how i could miss someone so much that my arms ache...

Finding My Rythm

I wish there was some other word i could use right now but i cant seem to find any. It has been a loong while since ive been here. Every day i tell myself im going to blog today but time slips by and before i know it its time to go home. Right now ive decided to blog at least twice a week to make up for the lost time..... i hope i can make it LOL!!!!!!!!!.

So whats brought me back here asides the fact that i love to write? Well I do love to write and thats why im back and if all i ever write about is about myself my day or whatever happening around me then so be it. Not everyone was meant to write the great novel but some people were definitely meant to write short stories. nomore illusions of grandeur for me.

so wat been happening to me.......... a whole blog no..make that two blog posts.